We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
