i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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