i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
