I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
