I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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