but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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