margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
