I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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