smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
