Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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