i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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