watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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