i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
two words: eviction party
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
