Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
