i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
