so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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