I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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