You can't motorboat a personality
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
