it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
