vagina is talking i cant
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
