Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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