shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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