Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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