who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
