whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
