you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
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and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
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Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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