K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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