so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize