Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
