if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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