Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
