i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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