i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you never un-have a 4some
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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