Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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