just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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