I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.