mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.