I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning