You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?