alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
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I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.