Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
