so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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