I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
