I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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