I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
