whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
