should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
