wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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