im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
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I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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