i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
