i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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