I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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