What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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