I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
