How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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