I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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