Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The beer is more important than you right now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
