I must be too annoying 4 u.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
