As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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