I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
