You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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