trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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