P.S. I can't hear my feet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
