We got so high we made milksteak
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
