So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
