the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
