Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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