Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
