what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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