Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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