We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
