Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
